Thursday, July 9, 2009

The Secret Keeper


For as long as I can remember I have been the listener, the giver of advice, the mediator, and the keeper of secrets. I don't know why exactly people feel like they can come to me with their problems, frustrations and secrets...but it happens all the time. I've often quipped that I must have a sign on my forehead that says "tell me your problems" because I'm not just talking about my sister, my best friends, etc. - this happens with colleagues, acquaintances and sometimes even perfect strangers while standing in line at the checkout counter.

It's a role that I relish and despise at the same time. I cherish the fact that my friends and family think to come to me when they have a problem and seek my advice. I love that my loved ones know that I will genuinely listen to them and keep the details to myself. I hate that when a petty argument or even a legitimate fight breaks out among friends, I am the person both sides come to when they want to vent about the other. And, I despise when coworkers have nothing better to do than complain about someone else - you guessed it, because they complain to me - both of them, about each other nonetheless!!

Don't get me wrong, I'm no angel myself. I vent, I complain and I get upset over petty arguments. I know who and what my outlets are to release my stress when it's at breaking point. But I've also learned my lesson more than a few times in my nearly 30 years. And what I've learned is this: it's absolutely okay to vent your anger and frustrations to someone else. But, be forewarned that you should really know and trust your "ventee." Your work friends are tricky because you do spend many waking hours with them, but when push comes to shove, they are your work friends and they will always put themselves first when it comes to protecting their livelihoods. Furthermore, gossip grows like weeds when it comes to circles of friends - and I'm talking mostly about women here! If you choose to vent about one of your friends to another friend in your same circle - just know that more often than not it will come back to bite you in the butt.

I sometimes think about all the stuff I know about other people, because they've told me themselves. I'm not holding hugely earth-shattering secrets here, but in a lot of cases I have the inside scoop on what's going on around me. I think to myself that these friends and family members and colleagues and acquaintances of mine have been lucky. They are lucky because they have chosen to confide in me (whether they should or shouldn't have in the first place!) because I am trustworthy and I will keep the dirty little secrets to myself. If that's my God-given role, well, I'm going to be good at it.

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