E.X.H.A.U.S.T.E.D.

Tomorrow is only Wednesday??

Seriously, this week is exhausting so far! Work is crazy busy, I have so many (big) projects on my plate and issues that I'm just learning how to deal with cropping up as well. My days fly by because I barely have time to glance at the clock. (This is a good thing!)

Then add in my jewelry business - which I love - but, like anything you want to be successful at - it's work. So let me give you just a little sampling of this Marketing Manager, Jewelry Girl, Mom's life...

Yesterday - August 23, 2010
Arrive at work at 7:00 am.
Several Monday meeting right off the bat.
Order lunch in because I need the extra time at my desk.
Get call from mom (aka Monday babysitter) who tells me my 2yr son got into his diaper pail during his "nap time" and has smeared #2 all over himself and his room and most disturbing...his light colored carpet...and we don't have any carpet cleaner.
Last minute Google search: "How to get poop out of carpet."
Lovely.
Leave promptly at 4:00 pm.
Quick stop at Target for a miracle poop cleaner.
Settle on Resolve for lack of other options.
Arrive at home at about 4:45 pm.
Thankfully Mom agrees to stay later to entertain kiddos while I don yellow rubber gloves to start on poop mess...which is worse than I was imagining.
Change into sweats and said yellow gloves and get to work.
Breathe through my mouth for a good 20 minutes.
Decide part one of clean-up is done.
Part two will commence when my husband arrives home from work.
I have to get ready for a jewelry party.
I have 20 minutes.
Glam up.
High five my husband out the door while explaining mess upstairs and next steps.
Dinner must wait until I get home.
Arrive at jewelry party at 6:30 pm.
Successful party :)
Who would have known that their jewelry lady was sporting yellow gloves and scrubbing poop off the floor with a potato brush just hours earlier? ;)
(Oh yeah, have thrown away potato brush!!)
Get home at 10:00 pm.
Eat dinner. Know it's late. But am starving.
Coordinate kid's belongings for daycare tomorrow.
Go through some paperwork.
Get ready for bed.
Sleep by 11:00 pm.

WHEW.

That's all I have to say :)

What a Difference a Year Makes!

Wow. It's been a year. Literally one year. What a difference one year makes. My life is completely different right now. Makes me a little bit anxious of where I'll be five years from now if the ins and outs of my life have so dramatically changed in just one.

Where to begin. How about what my life was like one year ago vs. what it's like now.

1 year ago: I was a SAHM
Now: I am a full-time Marketing Manager working outside of my home

1 year ago: I was collecting unemployment
Now: I have a paycheck

1 year ago: We obviously had some financial issues
Now: Well, unfortunately some things take longer than one year to change

1 year ago: My house was clean and organized
Now: My house is chaotic, so much so that I actually woke up last week at 4:40am for my boot camp class and ended up going back to bed b/c I couldn't find my tennis shoes...frustrating!

1 year ago: My weekends were spent having QT with my husband and kids and our families
Now: My weekends are spent doing grocery shopping, laundry and preparing for the week ahead, ironic??

1 year ago: If my child woke up with a fever or came down with a virus, all I had to do was cancel our plans for the day.
Now: If I have a sick child I have to ask my boss if I can work from home (thank God this is an option for me) and worry about if he thinks I'm out of the office too much with my sick children

1 year ago: I was in charge of my day. If I wasn't feeling particularly well, I had the power to structure our day accordingly
Now: I have office hours and they are mandatory

1 year ago: I was closer with my friends. We got together for play dates, we vented online to each other, we texted each other with spontaneous invitations
Now: They all still do that and I'm a bit out of the loop

1 year ago: My daughter was about to start 3-year old preschool
Now: My daughter is about to start 4-year old preschool and it's literally taking a village to get her there. I've had to change my work schedule, rely on a friend, change daycare's schedule, change my in-laws schedule...all to make sure my daughter is prepared for Kindergarten.

1 year ago: Thinking ahead gave me a headache and caused many tears because of our financial situation
Now: Same. Only add the stress of "what am I going to do when I have two kids in different schools?" to that.

Am I lucky to have a job? Absolutely. Do I like my job? Yes. Do I like feeling like my week is straight out of Groundhog Day? No. Do I like that it's takes a willing cast of characters to make the simplest of things happen for my kids? Absolutely not. Do I think I'm happy? I'm actually not quite sure. Venting is good. That's what this is. It's Monday. I'll be in a better mood by Thursday I would imagine.

Day One...of Five!

It's Day One of my husband being out of town for five days for business travel and so far I'm feeling pretty good about the situation. Admittedly, was feeling a little nervous when I first became aware of this trip. And, yes, I do stay home with my kids the majority of the week on my own - so it was never a question of capability - more like a question of mental stability. Let's face it, while I love being home with my children almost every day, there are days when I have a running countdown to when my husband comes home from work and I can change the order of command to Daddy. (Mommy is on break!) I have always been in awe over single moms who don't have that outlet when they need it the most. So, on some level I was going into these five days with the mentality of a single mom. So far, this is how it has played out:

5:20am - hear husband's alarm clock go off and thank GOD I'm not the one who has to catch an 8:50 flight to Vegas.

5:45am - kiss goodbye from husband (still 70% asleep).

6:15am - Three-year-old (will now be referred to as TYO) is suddenly laying in bed with me. She's still and quiet so I don't care too much.

6:20am - One-year old (will now be referred to as OYO) is half talking, half crying in his room. Fab.

6:30am - OYO is quiet and TYO is asleep (God Bless!)

6:45am - Cell phone right next to bed starts ringing, VERY loudly for this hour of the morning. Scramble out of bed superfast (while still 70% asleep) so to not awake the TYO.

6:46am- Heading downstairs to retrieve husband's record number (written on a Post-It) for his flight for which he has an e-ticket and cannot check in without.

6:48am - Digging through trash for said PostIt. No luck.

6:55am - Following husband's directions to access his email to retrieve record number from his inbox. Success.

6:56am - Head back upstairs to bed (TYO is still sleeping soundly), but wait - OYO is up.

7:00am - Downstairs with OYO for breakfast.

7:20am - TYO stumbling downstairs crying b/c she couldn't find me. Good morning.

7:30am - TYO is eating yogurt for breakfast. Take opportunity to check email.

7:34am - TYO and OYO come down the hallway laughing, look up to see LOTS of yogurt in OYO's hair.

7:35am - Wipe yogurt out of OYO's hair with paper towel. Am not giving bath at 7:30 in the morning.

8:00am - Announce "PJ Car Ride" so Mommy can get her Starbucks fix.

9:15am - OYO is going down for nap, he was up early!!

9:30am - Get fantastic idea to paint master bathroom toilet closet (you know, the room where the potty is.) TYO is watching TV downstairs.

9:45am - Have all paint supplies assembled, ready to go. Have caught the attention of TYO who now wants to help.

10:00am - Am doing superb job simultaneously painting and talking TYO out of helping me.

10:05am - TYO has paint on bottom of foot. Must act immediately before paint footprints appear on carpet.

10:10am - Back to painting.

10:15am - Dry, clean roller that TYO has been playing with apparently now has a bit of paint on it - not so good for pretend painting anymore. Banish roller from TYO's hands and come up with Plan B for TYO...bath in Mommy's big tub!!

10:20am - TYO is playing with toys in Mommy's tub - which we are both equally thrilled about.

10:21am - Back to painting.

10:30am - Get phone call from Mom. Make plans to go to the pool together after lunch. Decide this is a great idea since I am hot, sweaty and speckled with paint. (And since OYO's hair was almost entirely covered in yogurt this morning.)

11:00am - Painting is done! Well, to be fair, what I wanted to accomplish today is done. Second part of painting will have to wait until later this week. And, OYO wakes up from nap...perfect timing!

11:15am - Downstairs fixing an early lunch for kids.

Noon - Grandparents arrive. Fun and relaxation at the pool begins. Aaahhhhhh! :)

Now we're home. OYO has been sleeping for about an hour. Many attempts at getting the TYO to sleep have been made (unsuccessfully at the moment - she is currently climbing on my back as I type.) We have the entire afternoon to do whatever. I feel productive (hello, the painting!!) and also like we did something fun today. So if we lounge around the rest of Sunday it's no biggie. Thinking about ordering pizza for dinner tonight. Make it easy, right? So, Day One has been good. But, it's only Day One...the fun has just begun!

4 Mile Power Push

I am a runner. I tell myself that I like to run. I regularly run to (a) get outside, (b) have some time to myself and (c) stay in shape. But, the truth is that I don't really like running. Running is hard. It's hard to get yourself started and it's hard to stay where you are. Missing a week of running is like dropping out of school mid-semester and then sitting for the final exam - at least for me it is. When it's hot outside my head throbs with pressure and I sweat like a you-know-what in church. When it's cold outside my lungs feel like they are encased in ice, fighting for each breath. My left knee is starting to feel tender after too many consecutive days of running (perhaps a symptom of nearing the big 3-0?) Sometimes, after a particularly bad (or good, depending on your perspective) run I feel like throwing up. And, I occasionally get side cramps - although those usually are an outcome of missing a week or two of running.

So, you may be asking yourself, why do I run?!?

If my goals are to (a) get outside, (b) have time to myself and (c) stay in shape, there are other activities that satisfy those criteria without the garish side effects. Laying by the pool, getting a pedicure, taking a fun group exercise class are just a few that come to mind.

Believe it or not, I actually had an epiphany about why I run during one of my runs. I run because it is a challenge and it's not easy.

When I run I feel very powerful. My head is clear at the end of a run. My body has been put to the test and my mind feels like it has accomplished something great. Recently I drove my course to see how many miles I was actually logging. (Judgement of any type of distance is not exactly a strength of mine!) I was delighted to discover that my entire round trip run was exactly four miles!! This was much longer than I thought I was running and I was absolutely proud of myself for going the distance.

Since I've calculated the actual mileage of my run, I've found myself running extra streets and adding loops to my course to add distance and challenge myself even more. Maybe this is why running is a perfect match for me. I'm competitive - even with myself. I like to push myself, take on something new and give it a try. If my legs are running four miles comfortably, than heck, they should be able to run five, right? And when they do run five, it's a feeling of accomplishment that stays with me the entire day - no matter what obstacles that day holds in store.

In the end, to be entirely cliche, you could honestly say that I have a love/hate relationship with running. I hate actually running - but I'm in love with how it makes me feel!

A Perfect Puzzle

Sometimes I feel as though my life is a great big puzzle. At some point or another it seems like my puzzle is blissfully complete, and then, undeniably a piece goes missing or is taken away. The pieces that matter the most are always there: my loving husband, my incredibly smart and sassy daughter and my irresistibly sweet son. Likewise, there are pieces of me that belong to titles like daughter, sister, friend, mother, employee, etc. The list goes on and on. Lately, the two pieces that seem to puzzle me the most is the “Mom” piece versus the “Career” piece. It doesn’t seem like there is adequate space for both pieces in my puzzle and I just know that can’t be true.

So here's an age-old question for you: why is it that when you have children you are forced to make a decision between being a mom and having a fulfilling career outside of the home? I know there are millions of working mothers who are successful in their jobs and are great mothers to boot. But somewhere deep inside even the most organized, together, multi-tasking mommy there is some type of guilt associated with either her kids or her career. Why is the grass always greener?

Recently I’ve had the opportunity to be on both sides of the equation. I’ve been the full-time working mother who has to drop her children off at daycare in the morning, pick them up in the evening only in time for dinner, baths and bedtime. I’ve pined for a day with my kids where I can do nothing but clean the house, play with the little ones and make dinner for my family. Then, out of nowhere I got my wish. Well, in a sort of roundabout way called losing your job. All of a sudden I found myself home 24/7 with the kids and I loved it. Yes, there were incredibly glowing moments where I thought to myself how could I ever go back to work and leave these darlings with someone else again?? And, there were the insanely trying moments where I thought to myself I need a job NOW!! But overall, the glowing moments won out over the trying ones and I loved it.

Here’s what sucks about being a stay-at-home mom. The paycheck. This is undoubtedly the hardest job ever, and it pays nothing! So while I’m at home enjoying my children I can’t get rid of the nagging thought in the back of my head that if I went back to work I’d be providing for my family financially, which would lead to stability and security for my kids. What I've discovered though is it’s a catch 22. In my puzzle, to date, it seems like there are only two scenarios that fit:

a) We can have money in the bank and I'm providing a secure upbringing for my family, but I don’t get to take my three-year old to preschool. (In fact, in this scenario she doesn’t even get to go to preschool because it’s only a half day and I’d be at work.) I don’t get to watch my baby boy learn new things every day and I'd miss the moments that matter the most to any mother.

b) I stay home with my kids. I'm the one who makes daily decisions about how they are raised. I make memories with them, I work with them and play with them and take them to do cool things and provide them with an involved, loving mother. But, we're struggling to make ends meet. In fact, while I have all the time in the world to shuttle my kids around to sports and activities, we don't have the disposable income to enroll them in the first place. And in this scenario it's best to not even think ahead too far down the road to college - I would give myself an ulcer by the time my youngest turns two!

Arghhh!! See how frustrating this is?? It's so annoying because it's black and white and these days there is ample room for some gray area. I have a perfect solution in my head. In theory, I work a few days a week either outside of the home or from home doing what I love and what I'm good at. I'm earning pretty good money for a part-timer because I'm a trusted professional who is not sacrificing the quality of her work, just the actual hours she works. And, on my off days I am fully there for my kids, mind and body. With this solution comes financial support for my family, emotional support for my kids, professional fulfillment for me and a happy wife for my husband!! ;) WHY then is this so hard to find??

So I'm going to keep plugging away at completing my puzzle. I know that my puzzle will never be completely finished. I will always be changing and growing and wanting different things out of life that will adjust my perfect puzzle. But for now, I'm going to keep my eye on the prize and keep trying to land my dream situation. Taking a full-time job at this point seems like defeat. But not looking for any opportunities at all seems equally defeating. Here's to all the professional, intelligent, hard-working mothers out there trying to make everyone (including themselves) happy!

The Secret Keeper

For as long as I can remember I have been the listener, the giver of advice, the mediator, and the keeper of secrets. I don't know why exactly people feel like they can come to me with their problems, frustrations and secrets...but it happens all the time. I've often quipped that I must have a sign on my forehead that says "tell me your problems" because I'm not just talking about my sister, my best friends, etc. - this happens with colleagues, acquaintances and sometimes even perfect strangers while standing in line at the checkout counter.

It's a role that I relish and despise at the same time. I cherish the fact that my friends and family think to come to me when they have a problem and seek my advice. I love that my loved ones know that I will genuinely listen to them and keep the details to myself. I hate that when a petty argument or even a legitimate fight breaks out among friends, I am the person both sides come to when they want to vent about the other. And, I despise when coworkers have nothing better to do than complain about someone else - you guessed it, because they complain to me - both of them, about each other nonetheless!!

Don't get me wrong, I'm no angel myself. I vent, I complain and I get upset over petty arguments. I know who and what my outlets are to release my stress when it's at breaking point. But I've also learned my lesson more than a few times in my nearly 30 years. And what I've learned is this: it's absolutely okay to vent your anger and frustrations to someone else. But, be forewarned that you should really know and trust your "ventee." Your work friends are tricky because you do spend many waking hours with them, but when push comes to shove, they are your work friends and they will always put themselves first when it comes to protecting their livelihoods. Furthermore, gossip grows like weeds when it comes to circles of friends - and I'm talking mostly about women here! If you choose to vent about one of your friends to another friend in your same circle - just know that more often than not it will come back to bite you in the butt.

I sometimes think about all the stuff I know about other people, because they've told me themselves. I'm not holding hugely earth-shattering secrets here, but in a lot of cases I have the inside scoop on what's going on around me. I think to myself that these friends and family members and colleagues and acquaintances of mine have been lucky. They are lucky because they have chosen to confide in me (whether they should or shouldn't have in the first place!) because I am trustworthy and I will keep the dirty little secrets to myself. If that's my God-given role, well, I'm going to be good at it.

Almost 30

My 30th birthday is still nearly four months away. To be honest, I have not been that concerned about it. I don't understand people who freak out with the onslaught of another birthday and double the freak out mode when that birthday is considered a "milestone." To me 30 is just a number. It has nothing to do with how I feel, how I look or how I live my life. Well, I should say I thought that until very recently.

Perhaps 30 does mean something more to my body. After all, for as long as I can remember I've been able to not really worry too much about diet and get away with it. I mean, I'm not hanging out 24/7 at McDonald's, but I do enjoy a good dessert once in a while (read: several times a week.) But lately I've noticed that my body is betraying me!! It is no longer letting me get away with these shenanigans. Could it be possible that my body knows it is about to turn 30 and has decided it has done enough work for me for a while and now I need to put forth some effort?? I have a sinking feeling this is true.

I've always been pretty active - although raising a one-year old and a three-year old is significantly cutting into my workout time - but now I'm going to have to make an actual effort to be more conscious about consumption. What do weight loss books and TV shows always say? Oh yeah, it's not a diet, it is a lifestyle change. So, you could say I began the first day of my new lifestyle just yesterday.

To begin, I started writing down what I eat and am making a valiant effort to keep myself in check. In only 36 hours into this little experiment I've realized that being more conscious about my food choices is both eye-opening and challenging. Eye-opening because I'm learning that even the "good-for-you" foods can pack quite a punch to the gut if you eat too much of them! Take almonds for instance. Almonds contain the "good" fat that your body needs and are supposed to keep your sharp, especially in the afternoon. (Sounds good to a stay-at-home-mom of two youngsters!) But, the calories can really add up if you eat more than say 10, which I definitely do! And, challenging because being conscious of the food I eat is causing me to constantly think about FOOD! I mean c'mon - I'm blogging about food!

Then there's that other factor. Being a mom. Well, more precisely, being pregnant and having given birth to two babies. No doubt that has taken a toll on my body. Does that play into this sudden backlash I'm getting from my own body? Or do 30-year-old women who don't have any kids yet still face the same fate? If these are the permanent side effects of multiple pregnancies and births, it seriously and selfishly makes me reconsider my want for a third!

Long story short, I guess that 30 is one of those "milestone" birthdays for a reason. Even if you don't quite feel "grown up" in every aspect of your life, your body is absolutely grown up. And, this body is expecting me to start acting like a responsible adult! (Ugh!)