Sometimes I feel as though my life is a great big puzzle. At some point or another it seems like my puzzle is blissfully complete, and then, undeniably a piece goes missing or is taken away. The pieces that matter the most are always there: my loving husband, my incredibly smart and sassy daughter and my irresistibly sweet son. Likewise, there are pieces of me that belong to titles like daughter, sister, friend, mother, employee, etc. The list goes on and on. Lately, the two pieces that seem to puzzle me the most is the “Mom” piece versus the “Career” piece. It doesn’t seem like there is adequate space for both pieces in my puzzle and I just know that can’t be true.
So here's an age-old question for you: why is it that when you have children you are forced to make a decision between being a mom and having a fulfilling career outside of the home? I know there are millions of working mothers who are successful in their jobs and are great mothers to boot. But somewhere deep inside even the most organized, together, multi-tasking mommy there is some type of guilt associated with either her kids or her career. Why is the grass always greener?
Recently I’ve had the opportunity to be on both sides of the equation. I’ve been the full-time working mother who has to drop her children off at daycare in the morning, pick them up in the evening only in time for dinner, baths and bedtime. I’ve pined for a day with my kids where I can do nothing but clean the house, play with the little ones and make dinner for my family. Then, out of nowhere I got my wish. Well, in a sort of roundabout way called losing your job. All of a sudden I found myself home 24/7 with the kids and I loved it. Yes, there were incredibly glowing moments where I thought to myself how could I ever go back to work and leave these darlings with someone else again?? And, there were the insanely trying moments where I thought to myself I need a job NOW!! But overall, the glowing moments won out over the trying ones and I loved it.
Here’s what sucks about being a stay-at-home mom. The paycheck. This is undoubtedly the hardest job ever, and it pays nothing! So while I’m at home enjoying my children I can’t get rid of the nagging thought in the back of my head that if I went back to work I’d be providing for my family financially, which would lead to stability and security for my kids. What I've discovered though is it’s a catch 22. In my puzzle, to date, it seems like there are only two scenarios that fit:
a) We can have money in the bank and I'm providing a secure upbringing for my family, but I don’t get to take my three-year old to preschool. (In fact, in this scenario she doesn’t even get to go to preschool because it’s only a half day and I’d be at work.) I don’t get to watch my baby boy learn new things every day and I'd miss the moments that matter the most to any mother.
b) I stay home with my kids. I'm the one who makes daily decisions about how they are raised. I make memories with them, I work with them and play with them and take them to do cool things and provide them with an involved, loving mother. But, we're struggling to make ends meet. In fact, while I have all the time in the world to shuttle my kids around to sports and activities, we don't have the disposable income to enroll them in the first place. And in this scenario it's best to not even think ahead too far down the road to college - I would give myself an ulcer by the time my youngest turns two!
Arghhh!! See how frustrating this is?? It's so annoying because it's black and white and these days there is ample room for some gray area. I have a perfect solution in my head. In theory, I work a few days a week either outside of the home or from home doing what I love and what I'm good at. I'm earning pretty good money for a part-timer because I'm a trusted professional who is not sacrificing the quality of her work, just the actual hours she works. And, on my off days I am fully there for my kids, mind and body. With this solution comes financial support for my family, emotional support for my kids, professional fulfillment for me and a happy wife for my husband!! ;) WHY then is this so hard to find??
So I'm going to keep plugging away at completing my puzzle. I know that my puzzle will never be completely finished. I will always be changing and growing and wanting different things out of life that will adjust my perfect puzzle. But for now, I'm going to keep my eye on the prize and keep trying to land my dream situation. Taking a full-time job at this point seems like defeat. But not looking for any opportunities at all seems equally defeating. Here's to all the professional, intelligent, hard-working mothers out there trying to make everyone (including themselves) happy!
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